We have only intermittent internet access, so here's the first few days posted.

Day 1: May the Fourth be with you

Dropped the boys off at daycare at 8am. Finished packing and then took Eilidh out to look for some doodads to hold the strollers together during transit, and for another power convertor. Ended up spending over an hour not actually finding anything particularly useful. They had low duty transformers, or one heavy duty transformer (which was only good for continental Europe and was as heavy as a German flapjack). Eventually got everyone together and caught a maxicab to the airport at around noon, driven by a woman cabbie who reminded me immensely of my Auntie Bev at her cheeriest.

Our first flight to Minneapolis was fairly uneventful, aside from my ear refusing to pop (the sniffling and nose running and eye watering that I'd attributed to allergies I think is actually a cold) and being somewhat painful until I managed the sort of yawn this blog is so far engendering.

I was so hungry I ate at Arby's, and the others had spaghetti/meatballs/pizza. After some strange, poorly announced non-preboarding at about 7:30pm, we began the unfunitude that is trans-Atlantic travel. The kids did amazingly well. Jonathan did as well as a 3 year old really could. He was starting to melt down a little bit before "supper" (sweet potatoe, deliberately spelt thusly to distinguish it from food proper, steamed hams in the form of chicken, and green beans, with a manky salad+lite ranch, a decent enough microbun, browny) but Toy Story 2 saved the day. An extremely disappointing 2ish hour sleep before the lights were thrown back on led us to an 11am arrival in Amsterdam. The kiddos impressed everyone and were very well behaved on this miserable leg. Schiphol (Sha-poopie!) airport is either European or engineered to look European to stupid North Americans. Either way, it's working on me. Everything is massively civilized and perfumed. There are comfortable chairs, a kids area, massive shopping complex, LED-equipped lockers. I bought some Otrivin and they asked to see my boarding pass, and then my ChipCard offered me the price in both Euros and Canadian dollars, showing me the exchange rate! Anyway, I now know not to gefraugd my bistschnecken more than 3 times a coor.

Day 2: May 5:

1:05 Amsterdam time: Had my first experience with a Eurotoilet. It autoflushes. Not so unusual, except when it does so ABOVE THE LEVEL OF THE SEAT FIVE SECONDS AFTER YOU SIT DOWN. It was like a cold bidet/enema kit--not even an invitation for a snack, let alone dinner. At least it woke me up.

The final flight was a cinch. Despite gate service meaning "we pick up your strollers at the gate and then deliver them down the regular luggage carousel" (fine for us, but if we'd had a 2 year old and a baby? sucksville!) everything was fine with KLM. Super friendly customs guard in Glasgow--she was really nice to the kids, and asked "so is it Eilidh or Eilidh" pronounced a couple of beautiful ways. Went to Hertz--and free upgrade from a Ford Fayleputz to a tricked out Audi A4 SE! I like this car! All kinds of cool toys, like LCD screens and voice commands:

Actual first use:

Audi: "Please issue a voice command."

J:"BLOW ME"

Audi:"That command is impossible to perform."

Well, that was too bad.

Actual second use:

Audi:"Please issue a voice command."

J: "TURN RADIO ON"

Audi: "The address book is empty."

Also, I learned to drive on the left. This was about as tricky as I thought it was going to be. Definitely needed to follow Sam through a baptism of fire near Glasgow and on the motorway. Then just as I started to get more comfortable, the difficulty began to ramp up, including many roundabouts, oncoming traffic, and single lane roads, and a parallel park on the left with traffic behind waiting as I cheerily jackknifed the car into the curb. I didn't really see any scenery because I was too busy trying not to crash the Audi. Any spare bandwidth was reserved subtracting my estimated cost of the Audi in pounds from the Total Loss Waiver maximum of $54,000. The part I have most trouble with is knowing where my left front wheel is, actually. Anyhow, haven't crashed it yet--but tomorrow is a new day. Also was hornswoggled by the bastard at the Hertz counter. Up for 24 some hours, I accepted purchasing the first tank at 10 pence a litre under regular price, but with the massively clever condition (which I didn't figure out until a few minutes after I'd left) that I have to return it EMPTY. Returning full is so much better, in that you only pay for the fuel you use. Returning empty, they get whatever you don't use. Honestly, the 24 hours without sleep was what made me fall for this. Still fuming. I resolve to siphon anything left onto the tarmac and light it on our return.

We drove through to Oban, stopping for a bathroom break where we paid 30p to leave one. With profit margins like that, I can see how the nation stays afloat.

We picked up 5 large fish & chips from the Oban F&C place. They had all kinds of neat things like peas, haggis, pies, etc., Honestly, despite the massive overabundance, this was probably what I would have done (one each for the adults plus a shared one for the kids). The fish was probably the best I've ever had--amazingly thick, white, flaky pieces of haddock in a really thin, light batter. FANFUCKINGTASTIC, for those inclined to tmesis. The chips were all the underdone soggy potato that I was hoping for. I loved them. We needed some more vinegar and salt, and the kids didn't love the ketchup (zingier, pinker, actually a little more tomato and vinegar flavor). Unfortunately shagged out with no sleep, the kids didn't like the F&C (different fries, different fish) but this meant I ate probably over a pound of fish which was amazing. They had cheerios. Halfway round the world for cheerios. As long as they're happy, I suppose. :) Pay power at the lodge. The international adapter works fine to charge the laptop and iPhone; the DS could still be an issue. Sacked out at about 10 after watching a little HD BBC. Shared a bunk with Eilidh who I have now termed "Ze Cherman" for her tendency to annex territory.

May 6:

Everyone slept in reasonably long. We heard a real cuckoo! Val was up for a couple of hours with a grumpy Jonathan. Some pottering outside for a spell with the kids led to a trip into Oban for lunch and a distillery tour for the menfolk. Lunch was chicken fingers for the kids, with proper chips and vinegar; Val had mussels and garlic and wine and garlic, while I had a small Isle of Barry crab salad on bread, and a half-pint of John Smith ale (verdict: tasty, much like a Kilkenny.) The afternoon was spoilt by me losing my sunglasses that clip on to my glasses; thought of them 5 minutes after losing them, went back, searched for over an hour combined over 3 different occasions, lost them. FECK. $80, but more importantly needed for driving. We enjoyed the distillery tour a great deal--I think I figured out how the organics codistill in that giant still. The tour guide at the end gave us our taste of 11 year cask strength, then a full dram of 14 year Oban. She then discussed a special double-casked one for sale only in Scotland, then a private batch only available at the distillery, and finally the rarest one, of which there was 7 oz. left in the world. There were tapes, a bucket of glue, and a bucket of glass, and the tourees were invited to glass-fist fight to the death for the right to pay £800 for it. Sam won the battle and left with a couple of bottles.

We went back to Kenny Oban's where the kids jumped on the trampoline. When Allison arrived we went to The Barn for a bite to eat. I had a half-pint of some very hoppy beer. Took the kids out the play structure, but eventually came back in because my beer was getting cold. The Barn was lots like a pub one might have imagined, with lots of pikers (and their dogs!) standing around in the room with their pints. A wee room, made cozy by a number of people. I forwent the steak and ale pie for "Sea bass in a chive and wine sauce" special. Mistake, unfortunately. Heavy, kind of zero stars in 1981, and I left hungry (had 2 blueberry muffins for dessert). Got to bed by about 10, but were unceremoniously awakened by Jonathan, who totally lost his shit. He screamed for an hour and a half probably, and was hysterical. Both of us took a turn in the car with him, and between that and sleeping in the same bed as Eilidh, and needing to get the car to the ferry by 7:45am or lose a week of vacation. Sam left for the ferry at 10pm the previous night. (Left his video camera at The Barn. How is it that he can leave a $1K HD video camera for 2 hours somewhere and it stays put, while my $80 sunglasses can't be left somewhere 5 smegging minutes?! At any rate, best that it happened the way it did).

May 7: S-A-T-U-R D-A-Y NIGHT!

There really should be no pause in the blogging here, since the night was so abysmally short that this should be May 6th, part deux. BTW, there has been no easy internet access, so this is becoming more of a journal than a blog, but whatERver. I honestly am finding it fairly liberating to be free from the chains of email. I have no choice and so I have no concerns. The one thing that we're concerned about is info from Sho and Darren, but Sam and Ev have this covered, so I'm fairly blissfully disconnected. Ian MacPhedran would be proud.

We made it to the ferry sans coffee but avec Sam. After an hour queueing in the cars to get on the ferry, I had lost some of my bulletproof calm that had characterized our travel for the past 48 hours. One of my favorite things that came out of this though was Jonathan telling us about "double bears." What's a double bear? A great. big. bear! Double bears all around! So it was with great gusto and relish that I happily went with Sam and Eilidh to the galley... and found **** A SCOTTISH BREAKFAST ****. £5.99 gets you any six of: bacon (yes), link sausage (yes), square sausage (normally I would have preferred a sausage patty but this one it turned out I didn't like all that much, so was good I missed it), black pudding (double yes), an egg (yes), a fried tomato (yes!), and beans (yes yes yes). 2 pieces of brown toast, which turned out to be a really nice rye. And a coffee. Delicious! And the best part was: I had this on a British ferry. Surely a ferry must serve the WORST Scottish breakfast in the UK, no? Which means... the next Scottish breakfast will be way way better! Anticipation galoor.

The ferry was a decidedly civilized way to travel. There was so much space available that EVERYONE was able to LIE down and have a snooze on a bench. Little "nothing is easy with me" and "I don't know what I want but I'm willing to fight for it" Jonathan did have some seasickness puking, but we Gravoled him and then he conked out for 3 hours. All the kids are short on sleep, but dude probably was partially barfo because of the ~12 missing hours of sleep in the past 2 days for him. Really enjoyed a lazy morning on the sea. Will on his DS, JJ napping, Eilidh hanging out with Grandpa and/or reading, Val reading/snoozing/taking pics. I also had S&V crisps and a bottle of Irn Bru. Irn Bru is like an infusion of Palmolive in cream soda. Yerm.

We arrived in Lochboisdale and made the 5 minute trip to the house we're renting. What a steal this place is. 2 stories, 3 bedrooms, probably 14-1600 square feet, 2 bathrooms, and twin beds to ensure that British standards of frigidity are maintained. The kids got some quiet play, and the grocery store is a 3 minute walk away. They sell pints by the single can, so I picked a number of them: today was an Irish ale that had a nice creamy head. The weather has still been fantastic: 15-20°C, warm wind, and very little rain. We picked up all sorts of other groceries and pates and crackers and cookies and nibbled/snacked until the supper of... feckin' spaghetti. 10000km on the remotest island you could imagine to have the same old fare as we'd have on Tuesday night before soccer. GRR! However, the apple pies and double cream (!) promises good things.